Chocolate sales go sky high

Figures released today show that sales of Nestlé Kit-kat bars have gone up by a staggering 73%. This comes, of course, after Big Brother announced that one holder of a golden ticket found inside the wrapper of these bars would become a housemate.

This brilliant marketing strategy, coupled with the British public's incredible capacity for stupidity, has also lead to an increase in sales of several other items. Kittekat cat food, Kites with pictures of cats upon them and Kit cars have all seen a marked increase in sales, and MFI have been forced to issue a statement limiting customers to one fitted kitchen catalogue per visit, per day.

People, the tickets are in the chocolate.

They're walking like flies

No, hang on, they're not walking like flies as in upside-down on the ceiling, no, they're walking like files in the sense that they are all walking.

Look, it's a terrible synonym, but, George has walked out of the Big Brother house. Perhaps everyone getting stiff in their lower body regions was too much for his stiff upper lip to take, or maybe he thought the prospect of spending 11 weeks with a lion was too much to bear.

Whatever his reasons, George walking brings the number of people who've quit the BB house this year to a record, three.

At least now they can get the wardrobe in.

Narnia Reunion

It had been speculated on a great deal, that one of the new housemates might be someone we already know, however, I don't think anyone expected one of them to be a well known lion.

Producers of the show have once again shocked the nation by bringing Aslan, hero of the recent Chronicles of Narnia movie, into the house at Elstree.

He appears to have had a sex change and a shave, but there is no mistaking the killer instinct and cat-like behavior.

We now have a lion, and a witch, I wonder when the wardrobe will turn up.

Bye-bye Bonnah, Bye-bye

We have been too stunned at Bonnah leaving the house to make any updates to Blog Brother, apologies for that.

So far, Bonnie has remained tight-lipped about her experience in the house. This could be for one of two reasons, she had no experience in the BB house, or, just as likely, she has been struck dumb. It really is impossible to tell.

The code of silence that she has managed to keep is impressive, if not entirely entertaining.

Good luck Bonnah in whatever you decide to do next; Should you ever decide to do anything.

Smell you later

38 year old brummie, Dawn, has been ejected from the big brother house after abusing the rules.

Rejected from the Brotherhood, Dawn, along with fellow housemates Glyn and Bonnaaah asked producers to leave the show, when her request was refused, she kicked up a right-royal stink.

Obviously with Nikki's sensitive nasal problems, Dawn had to leave.

Luckily, We had no money on Dawn, so, no hard feelings, but byeeeee.

Is it real?

Big Brother's Imogen Thomas has been spotted out and about on a beach in the Caribbean.

This picture, sent into us by an avid Blog Brother reader was taken on Monday at the exclusive Ritz Carlton hotel, St. Thomas. He told our reporter, "I couldn't believe my eyes, she even asked if she could pose for this shot."

Whilst we have been unable to corroborate this story, it certainly does look like Miss Thomas, and this is not the first time she's been snapped standing in the sea; Although this time she does seem to be simply enjoying the sea water.

Shortly after this picture was taken, Imogen was seen getting into a taxi mumbling "I've been rumbled, I've been rumbled" to herself.

So, Endemol, is it really live?

Glyn to win

Following the 'shock' removal of Shahbaz from the Big Brother house, Blog Brother has learned that his former fan club, Shahbaztastic (pictured right) have unanimously agreed to switch allegiances.

At a press conference held earlier today, Bill, the groups president read out the following statement:

"We are deeply saddened by the producers' unjustified decision to remove Shahbaz from the Big Brother house. I guess that they just couldn't handle someone of his obvious talents.

The membership have been balloted on the situation and have unanimously decided to support the obvious second favourite, Glyn.

From now on, we wish to be referred to as Glyntastic.

Thankyou."

This influential group's decision to back Glyn has seen online bookmakers slash their odds on his winning from 20/1 to 99/5.

Hey Nikki

Hey Nikki, please stop crying,
Please stop crying, you're blowing my mind,
Hey Nikki...
Hey Nikki.

Today in the Big Brother house, Nikki claimed to feel sorry for poor Pete. "He's so special" and "doesn't have a bad bone in his body". Fine, but then, what gives with the water works?

It's jealousy, plain and simple. Pete's little demonstration in the pool yesterday, of just how 'special' he is, has got all the ladies of the house into a feeding frenzy. Lisa leading the attack has put poor Tarka's nose out.

Nikki, whilst you may believe that Pete doesn't have a bad bone in his body, it's evident that he does have a 'good bone'; What's more, you want it in your body.

And Sezer is the shallow one?

Big Brotherhood founder identified

Until now, very little was known about the origins of the Big Brotherhood.

Always determined to uncover the truth, Blog Brother have managed to track down the organization's founder member.

The man, who refers to himself only as 'Wolfie Smith' started the movement, originally named The Tooting Popular Front in the late 1970's to bring power to the middle-class masses.

It had been believed that the two organizations were unconnected, however, pictures obtained exclusively by Blog Brother clearly show the distinctive 'Brotherhood hat' being worn, by Mr Smith, as early as 1975.

When Mr Smith, who still lives in the Tooting area of Southwest London, was asked today for comment he stated, "Power to the People Brothers, except that Paki Poof, he can get stuffed."

It's all about the numbers

That poor guy, Shahbaz, finds himself in solitary confinement yet again.

He's no stranger to prison of course, having gone down for that 3 (month) stretch back in the day. But finding himself banged up in the BB house seems to have sent him over the edge. In fact he seems to be in denial, stating that "he is not a number".

Of course Shahbaz is not a number. He is a 'free' man (I use 'free' in the John Innman sense of the word) with very little understanding of numbers. Only an imbecile could over-spend by £38 on a budget of £392!

Do you kiss your mother with her mouth?

Fans have been left shocked today as Shahbaz let slip that he collects the body parts of dead actors.

During an in depth heart-to-heart between the housemate and an unnamed big brother camera, it was revealed that he was actually wearing the mouth of famous movie actress Marilyn Monroe. He was heard to say "...you couldn't buy a mouth like this... this is Marilyn Monroe's mouth".

Not only has this information sent shock-waves through the 'Shahbaztastic' organization, it has also brought into sharp focus, the seedy world of celebrity organ trafficking.

The news comes as a double blow for Lea, who had been lead to believe she had bought Marilyn's lips some time last year, it turns out the ones she bought actually belonged to Muffin the mule.

A three horse race?

We couldn't resist the urge to have a little flutter on 3 of the housemates. Ladbrokes (along with all the other bookmakers) are quoting odds on who will be the last to leave the house. We pooled our money, looked at the runners and riders, and made the following selection:

• Pete (2/1)
  The clear favourite. Fast, just not fast enough to catch a pigeon.


• Imogen (8/1)
  This pretty filly is a firm favourite with all the sportsmen.


• Glyn (20/1)
  Inexperienced but athletic and 'well muscled', won't shy away from the water jumps.

Who's your money on?

Bad 'net result' for Lea

Lea is reported to have sold her house to raise the £40,000 required for her boob-job.

This is reckoned, by experts, to be some £23,000 too much. Not too expensive, just too much. Rather than simply gaining a fuller bosom, Lea has ended up with what can only be described as a pair of basketballs.

We can, at least, be thankful that she didn't get more money for the sale of her house, or the results could have been even more unfortunate...



It must be fate that the perfect picture to illustrate this point came from the Bristol Balloon Fiesta.

Imogen caught short

It's happened to us all. You're having a wonderful day out on the beach, miles from anywhere, the sun is shining; Things couldn't get better than this.

And then, disaster. You need to go.

Moral dilemma time, do you trudge all the way up the beach to find the loos, and if you do, will they be closed?

Or do you take the path of least resistance and wee-in-the-sea.

The problem comes when you make the decision and someone snaps you at it.

George's Little Secret

Yet another housemate's skeleton leaps from a cupboard.

It has been speculated upon that perhaps George has a royal connection. He certainly seems to have somewhat of a regal air about him.

We I can now reveal, exclusively, that, not only does George act like royalty, he is royalty. Kind of.

Even though he could only have been a mere scrap of a lad at the time, it has come to light that George played none other than the Prince Regent in the 3rd Series of the popular television comedy, Blackadder.

It had previously been thought that the role was played by Hugh Laurie who is currently enjoying such success in the TV show, House, however as this picture, obtained exclusively for Blog Brother illustrates, it was none other than George.

Imogen all the people

Touché! I didn't download the picture, and they changed it... ah well...

I had it on good authority that Imogen is taking part in BB7 to try and get back at her famous cousins, and, having checked the picture on this unofficial website, I was convinced.

She did have a well developed cheek area - similar in appearance to pouches. She did look like a happy-go-lucky fun seeker, always out for a good time. Now she looks like a smoldering temptress; I'm not complaining.

The original picture bore a familial resemblance to Chip'n'Dale. The new one clearly doesn't!

It's all Welsh to me

There was an interesting twist yesterday when Glyn (aka Daffyd Hasselhoff) was reprimanded by Big Brother for 'speaking in tongues'. He was speaking to Imogen in Welsh.

The justification for this dressing down was that they could have been talking in code to one another. I guess, with no Welsh speakers in the production team, they could get away with telling each other anything.

Endemol just need a copy of this book.

What I suspect Big Brother hasn't picked up on is that Pete has been talking in code from the moment he walked in the house, I guess they aren't worried because no-one knows how to decipher it, and there isn't a book to help.

I wonder what wanker is code for...

What is Pete like

Pete is clearly the bookies favourite to win BB7. What is he really like?

I don't have a problem with his tourettes, and I actually agree with those who say that he's brave to go on the show, but, what is he like as a person? Just because he has an uncontrollable urge to swear and all his other physical afflictions, it doesn't mean that he is not also an unpleasant person!

People will tend to assume that anything he does which would, ordinarily, make us dislike him - like perhaps bag out another housemate - is 'just his tourettes'.

It might be 'just Pete'.

PC nation that we are, I suspect we won't think too deeply about this, and the bookmakers agree!

D003 Dirty protest?

I know one of the housemates has more or less told us all that he's had enough but I fear he may have gone to a serious extreme to make his point.

I was watching the 'live' feed just now. The housemates are all in bed, but there is a rather conspicuous looking dark object in the middle of the bedroom floor.

If I'm not very much mistaken, it's a dirty protest courtesy of everyone's favourite for first eviction, Shazam.

Of course, if I am very much mistaken, it could just be a discarded sock.

Housemate Tongue Twisters

The website http://www.perfectpete.com has inspired me to adapt some tongue twisters to fit a couple of the housemates.

• Perfect Pete picked a peck of pickled pepper
• Shabaz sells sea-shells, why? I'm not sure

Can you think of any others? I'll include the best offerings!

Nicknames

I cannot believe it, we're underway, and the 14 housemates have been revealed.

Clearly, they cannot be referred to by their real names. The original nickname list comes from this discussion on usenet, initiated by Rich Mackin.

Bonnie: Bonaaah
Pete: Klunk
George: The Prince Regent
Shahbaz: Shazam or Dahling (as in, "That's Shahbaz, Dahling!")
Mikey: Vernon
Lea: Skeletor or Roxanne
Imogen: Gorgeous
Dawn: Drone
Glyn: Daffyd Hasselhoff
Lisa: Miss Simpson
Sezer: Salad Sack
Nikki: Vickie Pollard
Grace: Sloane clone
Richard: Garth

If you have any other suggestions, let's have 'em!